The Problem with Apple Pie
by Draconsis
Summary: *CHAPTER 3* What's this?! A sugar high fic with a PLOT!? How'd phantom of the opera, pokemon, powerpuff girls, buffy the vampire slayer and GENETIC ENGINEERING get into this?!
1. Tamahome needs apple pie!

The Problem with Apple Pie

****

**A Sugar High Fic!**

Let me introduce to you Z and Kai! They are my real life pals (along with Sansele)! Kai is a complete Wushu (Chinese fighting) FREAK and Z is our reviewer… both of them have one very interesting habit. They stalk their seniors! And we're all in a girls school… -_-;;;

I was writing a Fushigi Yuugi email to annoy them… (Daijoubu! Ele-chan and me will convert them to Fushigi Yuugi fandom soon…*evil laugh*) and it kinda…came out like this. ^^;;; 

Did I mention Z has abnormally red cheeks? It's like she put blusher onto them… which she doesn't. But her cheeks are the same colour as an apple pie…hence a rather weird nickname… APPLE PIE!!! And she's in the school band. And she plays the Saxophone. Which is very painful if you get hit by it.

Now! Onto the fic!

The Problem with Apple Pie 

:::::::::::::Starring:::::::::::::

In chibi mode…

Draconsis (me!) as Drac-chan!

Sansele as Ele-chan!

Z as Apple Pie-chan!

Kai as Kai-chan!

And the Seishi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And we have Nyan-Nyan narrating! _In italics!_

It's a another day in the Yuuki house…I cant say normal since when ever was a day in the Yuuki house normal? Answer: NEVER.

Miaka: I'm hungry. I want an apple pie!

Tamahome: Okie, I'll buy you an apple pie!

Tamahome paused while he though of how much an apple pie would cost. Then he remembered something!

Tamahome: What is an apple pie?

_At this show of stupidity, the shichi seishi Chiriko appeared! Did I mention that since he's sooooooo smart, Taiitsukun gave him the job of the fairy of knowledge?_

_And he looks so kawaii in that pink frilly dress complete with wings and wand! All 100% Nyan-Nyan made of course!_

Chiriko: I AM THE FAIRY OF KNOWLEDGE!!! ALL SHALL BOW DOWN TO MY SUPERIOR INTELLECT!

Right then, Drac-chan and Ele-chan popped into the room. Guess who they're looking for?

Drac-chan: Did anybody see Apple Pie-chan?

Tamahome: You're looking for it too?

Ele-chan: She, not it.

Tamahome: ~_~ Um.......okay......

So since the baka Tamahome did not know where Apple Pie is, Drac-chan and Ele-chan decided to leave him alone with Miaka and Chiriko the fairy of knowledge.

Chiriko: APPLE PIE!!!!! Noun. A consumable pastry dish made from white flour, chicken eggs, cow's milk and green apples and cinnamon.

Tamahome: What's pastry, what's flour, what's cinnamon and what's an apple?

Chiriko the fairy of knowledge was so shocked that he promptly had a heart attack and died. But he didn't tell Tamahome where or what was an Apple Pie! So Tamahome left Miaka on a park bench while he went to find someone who knew what an Apple Pie is.

_So Tamahome continues on the quest for Miaka's apple pie..._

_Tamahome was walking past some bushes when he saw a round, red and yellow object lying on the ground. He knew apples were red, yellow and round, he decided it must be an apple and so he picked it up._

Tamahome: Is this an apple?

At that point in time, Suboshi jumped up from behind the bushes where he had been hiding. OOOOoooH! It turns out that what Tamahome picked up was a ryuseisui!

Suboshi: GOTCHA!!!!!! Unhand the ryuseisui!

But before Tamahome can respond, the other end of the ryuseisui whacks into him.

Tamahome: TEME!!!

So of course a fight broke out between Tamahome and Suboshi. But then… 

**REKKA SHINEN!!!!!!**

Tamahome and Suboshi were burnt to a crisp!!! They turned around to find a very happy Drac-chan and Tasuki with the tessen!!!

And since Tamahome and Suboshi are nasty unforgiving brats… 

Tamahome: SIC HIM!

**((BIFF)) ((BANG)) ((KA-POW))**

**REKKA SHINEN!**

Tasuki: *dusts himself off*

At that point in time, Tasuki saw the rabid fangirl Drac-chan standing next to him! So of course he…

Tasuki: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

So Tasuki ran away from Drac-chan, and since his power is speed he was soon very, very far away from poor Drac-chan. Then Tasuki saw Kouji!

Tasuki: Kouji!!!! Help!!! There's another hentai fic authoress chasing after me!

Kouji: Never fear! Kouji is here!!!!!!

A couple of Kouji fangirls swooned and fainted when they heard this, but Kouji didn't have time to say anything else as Drac-chan was hot on Tasuki's heels! So Kouji stood in the middle of the path while Tasuki ran away!

Drac-chan ran smack into Kouji, but that didn't make her happy as she wanted Tasuki! So she decided to get rid of Kouji…

Drac-chan: Ahhhhhh Kouji! Just the guy I wanted to see!

Kouji: *gulp*

Drac-chan whipped out her magic fic authoresses remote control, and she pressed the nice big button on top! And pretty portal opened up in the sky and…

_Ele-chan and Kai-chan fell out! Kai-chan gave Drac-chan a flying kick for making her have such a rough landing!_

Kai-chan: What you do that for? My seniors were in the same planet as me!

Just then, the smelly old Ashitare jumped out of the bushes! And since Kouji is a nasty violent bandit, he went…

Kouji: HI-YA! 

…And butt kicked Ashitare to infinity and beyond! And since Ashitare is a ugly old smelly doggie, Taiitsukun decided it would be nice for him to die, and so he died!

Ashitare: Ugh *dies*

So now Kai-chan sees Kouji who saved her from the mean nasty old Ashitare! 

Kai-chan: *sigh* My hero!

And since this is all a part of Drac-chan's evil plans… 

Drac-chan: Success! ^_^V

Ele-chan: -_-;;;;;

Drac-chan: Kai-chan...if you let us know where Apple Pie is we'll catch Kouji and lock him up in a room for you! And very securely tied...

Kai-chan: she's in the palace.

Ele-chan: arigato

So Drac-chan and Ele-chan caught Kouji and locked him up in a room, very securely tied...

_But Tamahome still hasent found an apple pie! And while we were looking at Drac-chan and the rest, we didn't look at Tamahome! So Tamahome had talked to Mitsukake without us! NUTS!!! But look where Tamahome is now…_

_Tamahome is in the kitchen in Miaka's house. Why? Because Mitsukake said that food is normally found in the kitchen, that's why!_

_Tamahome saw all the nice twisty knobs on the stove!_

Tamahome: Hmmm.... does this do anything?

Tamahome turned on all the gas knobs, but he forgot to twist them back! 

Tamahome: I guess not. Oh well... maybe Hotohori will know where I can get an apple pie!

Tamahome then skipped of to the Konan palace…but…back in the house… 

_…all the gas diffused throughout the house…_

_And then Chichiri decided to pay a visit to Tamahome and Miaka._

Chichiri: *outside, on doorstep* I wonder if Miaka-chan is home no da...

Since Chiri is a nice monk he pressed the doorbell! 

**((DINGGGGGGGG-**

**KKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!**

**))**

But then Chiri got blown sky high because the doorbell was connected to the stove!!!!!

Did I mention that Boushin and Houki live next door to Tamahome and Miaka? 

Boushin-chan: Mammy! Mammy! Uncle 'Chiri juz got blonwn up!

Houki: That's very nice dear...

So Tamahome went to the palace! And since Miaka-chan is a big baka of a miko, she didn't sit on the bench like he asked and went to the palace instead! So they are both in the Konan palace...

Tamahome: Miaka...I'm very sorry... but I've failed! I didn't find you an apple pie!

Drac-chan and Ele-chan came in!!!!!They have something for Tamahome! 

Drac-chan: Tamahome! Here's your apple pie! 

Drac-chan did her magic authoress clapping which is to clap your hands twice and then Apple Pie-chan came falling out of the sky!

_And Apple Pie-chan fell straight into Tamahome's lap!_

Miaka: *sees Tamahome with another girl* Wahhhhaaaaaaaahahah!

_Miaka runs off crying, with Tamahome following her. Miaka however, trips on a rake and falls over the rake, spearing herself. Tamahome on seeing his koi dead falls onto another one of the nice sharp objects in the Konan palace._

Apple Pie-chan: Sheesh. 

_Apple Pie-chan then whacked Drac-chan and Ele-chan over the head with her sax! s**A**x you hentais!!! Apple pie-chan then went off to find Amiboshi!_

Apple Pie-chan: Oh yeah. Tell my -whatshername- senior that our wedding is off. 'kay?

Nuriko: Another bis_(exual)_!!!!!!!

Apple pie-chan: You too?

Kai-chan: Me three!

Nuriko: Hey! Let's start a bis club!

Apple pie n Kai: OKAY!

So Tamahome didn't find his apple pie for Miaka but it's useless to find one anyway as Miaka is dead! So is Chiriko, Ashitare, Chichiri, Tamahome and Miaka!!!

~OWARI~

Um…..minna…. this is the first time I was really, really, really mean to the seishi…but if I don't post another fanfiction in the next month, and the Singapore papers have something about a 14-year-old brutally murdered with a shakujou, saxophone and sword, MY MURDERERS ARE SANSELE AND Z AND KAI!!!!!!!

And now…anybody know a nice place to hide?

Anyone???

ANYONE!?!?


	2. Tomo needs apple pie...

The Problem with Apple Pie

****

**Here we go…again!**

****

****

*Evil laughter in the background*

Yes!!! Drac-chan is backies with another of her weird fics! How did I get this wacko idea??? Hmm… Lets just say that cuz our group won the Odyssey of the Mind competition, our nice coach decided to treat us to lunch at Swensens. Lets see now… what did I have for lunch… hmm… CLAM CHOWDER!!! And ICE CREAM!!!  Lotsa nice chocolate SUGAR filled ICE CREAM!!!! Yummy yummy yummy swensens ICE CREAM!!!! For FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Problem with Apple Pie Chapter 2 

****

**APPLE N CLAM CHOWDER!**

****

*********STARRING********

Draconsis as Drac-chan

Sansele as Ele-chan

Z as Apple pie-chan

Kai as Kai-chan

Nyan Nyan as Narrator

The Seishi as Themselves!!!!

*********

(Did I mention that Z and Kai did _very_ stupid things? They reviewed as themselves! If they didn't, maybe minna-san would have thought that Z and Kai were figments of Draconsis's imagination! But noooooooooooo… They review with their own names! How very ::cough_stupid_cough:: of them!)

Hihi!!! This is Nyan Nyan! You know why Drac-chan can't give another seriously long author note? Cuz her nasty fiends oops… friends tortured her! *Drumroll* The grand total of injuries:

Monday recess: 1 hit on the head with a very full plastic water bottle by Kai

                            1 hit on the shoulder with a pencil box by Z

                           15+ Fingernail marks by Sansele (one of them still showing!)

Quote: Kai, " She's still alive!? It though you people were better than that! *tsk tsk* *shake head*"

Tuesday Recess: Chased around the entire school by Z and Kai. Several Sec 4 

                              students now think they're insane.

But anyway! On with Drac-chan's madness!!!

-------------

Tomo is running around in an apple orchard, looking for his shin. His clam, not his leg!!! Anyway, since shin-chan has been a very useless shin-chan, Tomo decides to get rid of it. But why waste a perfectly good clam? 

Tomo: I SHALL MAKE CLAM CHOWDER OUT OF YOU!!! KAKAKAKA!!!!

But as Tomo was running under an apple tree…

((THUD BONK))

An apple hit him on the head!

The apple bounced upwards from the impact as Tomo crashed to the ground!

Tomo: *opens mouth* F*-

Then the apple fell into his mouth!

Tomo: *closes mouth*

Ooooooh lookie! Tomo took a bite of the apple!

Tomo: *chew chew* Mmmmmmm… Tasty! This shall go well with my shin in my soup!!! KAKAKA!!!

So Tomo tries to get so more apple for his apple and shin chowder! But as Tomo doesn't know how to climb trees…

((HUFF))     ((SLAM))    

Tomo: Owwwwwww……

But then Tomo remembers something! 

********FLASHBACK*******

Suboshi: Nasty old Tamahome…him and his stupid apples!!! But he's found apple now ryuseisui…so we won't ever need to be parted ever again! And you will never see nasty mean Tamahome ever ever ever again! *hugs ryuseisui* Poor ryuseisui darling… don't worry… subo-chan is here…

******************

Tomo: Hmm…

*********FLASHBACK #2*********

Amiboshi: Last night *sigh*…...Apple pie-chan was sooo BIG…and soft…and sweet!!! *sigh* *dreamy look*

**************************************

Tomo: *Light bulb* I shall find this apple pie-chan!!! Which shall be an ingredient in my apple and clam chowder!!! KAKAKAKAKA!!!

So anyway…Tomo goes off to find somebody who has seen this apple pie-chan…

Tomo: NOT Suboshi… NO suzakus…aSHITare is dead…I KNOW!!! AMIBOSHI!!! KAKAKAKA!!!

And then Tomo sees Amiboshi leaning against the railing on the third story of the nice big and ugly Kuto palace.

Tomo: OI!!!!! AMIBOSHI!!!!

Amiboshi is too far to hear so he leans a bit futher over the railing on the third story of the nice big and ugly Kuto palace.

Amiboshi: HUH?

But Tomo can't hear him either as Amiboshi is wayyyyy up high leaning on the railing on the third story of the nice big and ugly Kuto palace.

Tomo: HUH?

Amiboshi: *leans out* HUH?

Tomo: HUH?

Amiboshi: *leans out* HUH?

Tomo: HUH?

Amiboshi: *leans out* HUH?

Tomo: HUH?

Amiboshi: *leans out* HUH?

Tomo: HUH?

Amiboshi: *leans out* HUHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiii!!!!

And, well, Amiboshi fell from the railing on the third story of the nice big and ugly Kuto palace. And since Amiboshi is NOT Miboshi and therefore can't levitate…

((((SSSSPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAATTTTTT))))

Tomo: Whoopsie. BUT… then Amiboshi with his superior looks cannot steal my nakiepoo from me! KAKAKAKA!!!!

So Tomo went off to find someone else who knew where apple pie-chan is… but not before stuffing some of Amiboshi's remains into a microwave-able container!

So Tomo was walking around the Kuto palace…when he bumped into Miboshi! Oooh! But lookie! Miboshi is being chased around by Drac-chan!

Drac-chan: C'me here ya lil-

Miboshi: I refuse! You will be mean to me in your fic!

Drac-chan: Too bad! You're already inside thanks to Tomo!

Miboshi: Tomo no BAKA!!!

Tomo: *blink blink*

Y' see… Tomo isn't very bright…why? Cuz he's not a light bulb that's why! Ehehe… So he takes a while to sort things out…

Tomo: I am NOT a baka. At least I'm an aho of a spirit who possessed a child cuz I'm a pedophile!

Miboshi: TEME!!!

Tomo: AHO!

Miboshi: TEME!!!

Tomo: AHO! 

Miboshi: TEME!!!

Tomo: AHO! 

Miboshi: TEME!!!

Tomo: AHO! 

Miboshi: TEME!!!

Tomo: AHO!

And since Miboshi has high blood pressure… he suffered a heart attack and died!

Miboshi: TE-GAK! *dies*

Tomo: *blink blink* Whopsies! But then Miboshi cannot tempt my Nakago by possessing the body of a pretty girl!!! NAKIEPOO IS ALL MINE!!! KAKAKAKA!!!

Then Tomo remembers that Drac-chan is nearby! And since Drac-chan is an author with super-author-powers, Drac-chan can help him!

Tomo: Drac-chan-sama! Will you help me in my quest for Apple pie-chan?

Drac-chan: *blink blink* She's at the bis meeting with Kai and Nuriko…*fume* How come she's more popular than ME?! I'm the *BLEEP* fic author here! How come all the characters are all *BLEEP* going after her???

Tomo: Maybe cuz she tastes good and we all need her?

Drac-chan: HENTAIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

((BIFF))

Tomo: *wall angel*

So now we enter the building where the bis meeting is being held…

Nuriko: And hoho never pays any attention to meeeeeeee!!!! You know why his seishi name is Hotohori…cuz he's *HOT*ohori…*SIGH*…*Dreamy look*

Kai-chan: And my senior was eating chicken rice with 3 slices cucumber, 2 slices of tomato, 4.056ml of soy sauce and half a teaspoon of chilli sauce!

Apple pie-chan: And my senior –

At this moment, Drac-chan teleports in, followed by Tomo who drops in from the ceiling!

Tomo: ((BONK)) Owie.

Drac-chan: Wassup?

Nuriko: The ceiling.

Drac-chan: That's not what I meant!

Nuriko: It isn't? *blink blink*

Well, Tomo manages to pick his sorry butt off the floor and sees…APPLE PIE-CHAN!

Tomo: That's apple pie-chan?!

Kai-chan: Yes…*psst* Who's the bishie?

Drac-chan: *gawp* *points alternatively at Tomo and Kai-chan*

At this moment, the miko of love and all things hentai, Ele-chan turns up! (wedding march plays in the background)

Ele-chan: Tomo, Do you love apple pie-chan?

Tomo: *blink blink* I need apple pie-chan…

Ele-chan and Drac-chan: Sooooo romantic…*sigh*…*lean against each other*…*flowery eyes*

Tomo: …for a soup.

Everybody: *topple over*

At this point in time, Tomo's shin runs into the room…

Shin: Tomo! I thought you loved me!

You see…since shin-chan doesn't have ears…well…she didn't hear the last part about Tomo needing apple pie-chan for a soup…especially since Ele-chan and Drac-chan were sighing.

Tomo: I used to…but our love can never be! We are too different! Plus…I already have someone new!

Shin: But Tomo! We pledged our love to each other so long ago! How can you break our promise?

Tomo: But I am sure the new person is my soulmate! Shin, we can never be together! It…it's just not possible!

Shin: Tomo! No…! I don't believe this! We were meant to be together!

Tomo: Gomen… But it's not possible I tell you! Plus I already have other plans for you!

Shin: You wanted to put me into a soup to serve to your nakiepoo isn't it! Tomo! You've broken my heart!

Tomo: You have a heart?

Everyone else: *Topple*

-----------

Well minna-san, that's another chapter of this ficcy all nice and wrapped up. And as a further reminder…IF YOU HEAR OF A SINGAPOREAN GIRL BRUTALLY MURDERED WITH FINGERNAILS, SAXOPHONES, SWORDS AND CHICKEN RICE PACKETS, THE CULPRITS ARE THEM!!! THEM I TELL YOU!!!!

OMG.

How am I suppoed to go to school on Monday? 

MUMMY! Can I don't go to school on Monday?

Mum: NO.

Darn.

Will Draconsis survive from posting up this chapter?

How will Sansele, Z and Kai murder her?

And will Draconsis's Odyssey of the Mind coach regret the swensens treat?

Will Draconsis find somewhere in school to hide?

Will Draconsis ever get round to her pile of homework?

How shall Draconsis ever show this fic to her other friends?

Will Draconsis ever stop writing crap?

Will Draconsis be flamed for killing so many seishi?

Will the HTML work when Draconsis uploads this fic?

Will Draconsis get around to her other fics?

Will Draconsis just shut up and post this chapter?

And…

Will Draconsis take her medicine given to her by those nice men in white lab coats?

Will the fic rating go up due to extreme hentainess?

Will Draconsis download more MP3's from audiogalaxy?

Will Draconsis do a new bio?

Will Draconsis ever understand her Literature book?

Will Draconsis ever remember all the names of the teachers in her school?

Will Draconsis eat chocolate or cookies n cream ice cream next?

Or will Draconsis eat chocolate chip n cookie dough ice cream next?

What flavour of Bubble tea shall Draconsis have on Sunday?

Will Draconsis ever stop doing all these questions like Arcanine?

Will time ever find out these answers?

Will Draconsis's small group of readers stay tuned?

Everyone: SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay…okay…fine…no need to rupture a blood vessel….


	3. Apple and Clam Chowder soup! Take 2!

-

The Problem with Apple Pie 3 

****

**Y'know…Apple pie sounds like American Pie.**

****

**Wasn't that movie R(A)?**

****

**Well, my fic isn't.**

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

**Yet.**

****

****

****

****

****

****

HIHI!!!!!!! I'm backkkkkkkkkkkk!!! And it's the June Holidays here in Singapore…4 whole weeks without school! So that means I won't be murdered by Sansele & co… Let the madness continue!!!

The Problem with Apple Pie Chapter 3 

****

**APPLE N CLAM CHOWDER! Take 2!**

****

*********STARRING********

All in Chibi mode…

Draconsis as Drac-chan

Sansele as Ele-chan

Z as Apple pie-chan

Kai as Kai-chan

Nyan Nyan as Narrator in **bold**

The Seishi as Themselves!!!!

*********

****

**Hi, Nyan Nyan here! The long delay in the fic was caused by-**

Drac-chan: NO!!! DON'T MURDER ME!!! MURDER IS AGAINST THE LAW!!!

((BIFF)) ((POW)) ((SCRATCH)) ((YEOOOOOOOOOOOW))

Ele-chan: You're the exception!

**The dust cloud consisting of Drac-chan, Ele-chan, Apple pie-chan and Kai-chan rolls off-screen**

**a certain bunch of lunatics who don't respect the law and-**

**flying human limb hits Nyan Nyan in the head**

**STOP IT ALREADY YOU KINDERGARDENERS! Nyan Nyan super powers!**

**pretty flashing lights**

**NYAN NYAN'S REVENGE!!!**

((BBOOOOMM))

**Total devastation**

**Serves them right.**

**Anyway, Draconsis does NOT own Fushigi Yuugi.  Now on with the fic!**

**We continue from where Tomo is still trying to make that soup of his…and since Tomo has found Apple pie-chan…**

Tomo: **pops shin in his pocket**

Ele-chan: Booooorrrrrring. I'm going to do something else. **disappears**

Tomo: **grabs Apple pie-chan and runs off** KAKAKAKAKA!!!! **hops onto window still**

Apple pie-chan: GUYS!!!!!!! SAVE ME!!!!!!

Drac-chan: And Spiderman rocks!

Kai-chan: Yeah! And the guy who plays spiderman is soooooooo cute!!!

Drac-chan: Yeah! And then there were some ninny's screaming at the back of the theatre when the green goblin came out!

Tomo: I'm kidnapping her and you guys aren't stopping me? **sweatdrop**

Drac-chan: Nope.

Kai-chan: Have fun.

Tomo: Fine then!!! KAKAKAKAKAKA!!! **disappears back to his secret hideout**

**Right then, Ele-chan popped in again! Why? Cuz Ele-chan heard Tomo's nasty laugh.**

Ele-chan: Where's apple pie-chan?

Drac-chan: Tomo kidnapped her.

Ele-chan: AND YOU GUYS DIDN'T DO A THING TO STOP HIM?

Kai-chan: Nope.

Ele-chan: **Knocks both their heads together**

**So now, Drac-chan and Kai-chan are flat out on the floor! Serves them right for not stopping smelly old Tomo!**

Ele-chan: We shall rescue Apple pie-chan from the evil clutches of Tomo!!!

**So the three weirdos set off to rescue apple pie-chan! Will their mission be successful??**

**Now we go to the secret lair of the evil, smelly Tomo! You know where it is? It's at the bottom of the Sydney opera house!!! (no offense meant!)**

Tomo: KAKAKAKA!!! I can start making my soup!

**You know what Tomo was doing before this? He sent a letter to his Nakiepoo inviting him for a taste of Tomo's special ki rasing soup! But he hasn't got the reply yet.**

Apple pie-chan: You will not succeed! The three weirdos and Amiboshi shall save me!

Tomo: KAKAKA! Amiboshi is DEAD! And the three weirdos don't have enough brain cells between them to cross the street! You shall be part of my soup!!! KAKAKAKA!!!

Apple pie-chan: Wait a minute…YOU KILLED AMIBOSHI?

Tomo: YES! KAKAKAKAKA!!!

Apple pie-chan: I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice!

Tomo: (sarcastically) Oh, I'm sooooo scared.

Apple pie-chan: I CALL UPON THE BEST CRIME FIGHTER IN THE SHI JIN TEN CHI NO SHO! TAMA-NEKO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**DA DA DA DA!!! Here comes Tama-neko! Or should I say, Superkitty?**

Tama-neko: Miriaow! **Swipes claws in the air**

Tomo: I am not scared of an imbecile like you! I have a secret weapon! KAKAKA

Tama-neko: Miao miao (yeah rite.) MIAOOOOOOOOWWW!!! (PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM EVIL DOER!)

Tomo: **Whistles** ATTACK!!! KAKAKA!!!

**And at this moment, many little ashitares come out! Looks like Tomo crossbred him with German shepherds! Awwwwwwwww… aren't they ugly?**

Tama-neko: Maaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooo!!! (Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!)

**So the little ashitares start chasing Tama-neko around the room. What a useless superhero.**

Tama-neko: Mao miao mriaow! (This calls for drastic measures!) Mi miao mroaw! (I'll have to call the three weirdos!)

**Now the scene switches to the three weidos, whose help is needed by Mitsukake!**

Mitsukake: (tearfully) I can't find Tama-neko! **bursts into tears again**

**Just then, Drac-chan's handphone rings!**

Drac-chan: Hello?

Phone (Tama-neko): Miao!!! (Help!!!) Miao mraow miao mrrrriaOW! (I'm under the Sydney opera house in Tomo's secret lairOWWWWWWWW!)

Drac-chan: **Turns off the handphone** Looks like Superkitty needs help!

Kai-chan: We're on it!

**So our three weirdos use Drac-chan and Ele-chan's magic fic authoress's powers and teleport themselves to Tomo's secret lair!**

**So here we are back in the secret lair where Tomo is making his soup!**

Tomo: Now we add salted fish, and some rotten cabbage…

Apple pie-chan: EW!!!

Tomo: SHUT UP KAKAKA! Hmm… need some meat! Oh yeah! **Pulls out shin and drops her into the soup**

**Did I mention how Tomo is making the soup? The soup pot is 1500 feet high, so Tomo is standing on a boardwalk on top of the soup pot while throwing stuff in! And ya know what? Apple Pie-chan is suspended from the ceiling!**

Opera singer upstairs: THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA IS THERE!!!!!!!! INSIDE YOUR MIND!!!!

Apple pie-chan: NO! The agony!

Tama-neko: **runs past, still being chased** MIAAAAAAAAOOOOOO!!! (But no one's paying any attention to him)

Tomo: KAKAKA!!! **Starts singing along** BEWARE! THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERAAAA!!!!!!

Apple pie-chan: **does anything to shut him up** There still isn't enough meat in the soup!

Tomo: **pout** But I don't have any more meat! **Lightbulb** Wait! I have a microwave-able container of some meatish looking thing in the fridge! 

**So Tomo put the stuff inside the container into the soup! Anyone remember what's inside the container? Read chapter two!**

Tomo: NOW MY SOUP IS COMPLETE KAKAKA!!! I only need the final ingredient KAKAKA! **Looks up at Apple pie-chan**

Apple pie-chan: NOOOO!!!

**Just then a messenger pops in!**

Messenger: Message for Mr. Tomo the okama!

Tomo: OOH me me me!!!

**So the messenger gives Tomo the letter and high-tails it outta there**.

Tomo: **Walks onto boardwalk** IT'S FROM NAKIEPOO!!!

Apple pie-chan: **looks disgusted**

Tomo: HE SAYS YES!!! KAKAKA!!! **swoon**

**But since Tomo wasn't looking where he was swooning…**

Tomo: Sigh… **Spins around** **falls into soup pot**

((SPLASH))

Apple pie-chan: YOSH!!! No more opera freak!!!

Tama-neko: **Hopes onto apple pie-chan**

**The little ashitares are quite stupid…**

Little ashitares: **Miss hopping onto apple pie-chan and fall into pot**

((SPLASH)) ((SPLASH)) ((SPLASH)) ((SPLASH)) ((SPLASH)) ((SPLASH))

**Man, I am NOT eating that soup…**

((BOOM)) **Wall breaks**

**Here come…the three weirdos!**

Drac-chan: To protect the world from devastation!

Kai-chan: To unite all fangirls within our nation!

Ele-chan: To announce the goodness of truth and love!

Drac-chan To extend our reach unto the stars above!

Kai-chan: Three really…

Ele-chan: …crazy people!

Drac-chan: THREE WEIRDOS BLAST OFF AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT!

Kai-chan: Surrender now or we'll kick your ketsu and fight!

Ele-chan: HI YA! That's right!

(Three weirdos assume fighting stance)

Groan…lame-os… 

Apple pie-chan: Yo, guys, like, Tomo the cackling maniac is, like, DEAD!

Kai-chan: Dang and drat! 

Drac-chan: Gals! The evil detector™ is picking up a strong evil stench!

Ele-chan: There's only one person like that!

Together: NAKAGO!!!

**Dun dun dun dun! And here comes Mr. Evil himself! NAKAGO!!!**

Nakago: Kids. **Ignores the three weirdos** **Picks up a ladle and tastes soup** YUCKS!!!

Kai-chan: Prepare to DIE! HI YAAAAAAAAA!!!

Nakago: **Ki blast** **Stops halfway** **turns green** I don't feel so good!

Kai-chan: **KICK**

**Guess where Kai-chan kicked Nakago…in a place where it'll hurt a whole LOT! HAHAHA!!!**

Nakago: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW **DIES**

Drac-chan: Nice kick! **Hi-5**

Kai-chan: YEAH! **Hi-5**

**So the three weirdos rescued Apple pie-chan! But…**

Tama-neko: It's soooooo high up! **wail** I'm scarrrrrrredddddd!!! DADDY!!!!

Drac-chan: Daijoubu, we'll get Mitsukake to help ya in no time!

**And so once again…the day is SAVED!!! (yeah. Riiiighttt) By…THE THREE WEIDOS!**

**Much later…**

Mitsukake: Tama baby?

Tama-neko: MIAAAAOOW!!!!! (DADDY!!!!!!!!) **jumps**

((POKE))

Tama-neko: miaOW (I think I stepped on something!) **Picks it up**

Mitsukake: **GASP**

**Tama-neko stepped on a needle! Tomo is a druggie!!! The horror!!!**

**This a message for all smart people. SAY NO TO DRUGS! This is only being used for humour in this fic. Thank you.**

Tama-neko: MIHAHAHA!!!

Mitsukake: **shocked** Tama-neko!!!

**Looks like Tama-neko got rabies from the needle he stepped on…**

Tama-neko: **POUNCE**

((CRUNCH))

Mitsukake: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

**Oh NO! MITS CAUGHT IT TOO! WHAT EVER WILL HAPPEN NEXT?!**

Hikou: Hmm?

**Anyone remember Hikou is a nasty blood-sucking vampire from the OVA's? No? Ah well…**

Hikou: (Transylvanian accent) Shomevan havs leftvs zis vat fulle ov yummy shmelling liqvid here!!! I shavt drink it OLL!!! HAHAHAHA!!!

**And so Hikou drinks up a LOT of the soup. Well, all in fact. And very quickly too.**

Hikou: HICCUP! **Claps hands out mouth** HICCUP! HICCUP! 

**And Hikou continues hiccupping until there isn't any air left in his lungs. So…**

Hikou: HICCUP! HIC-GACK! **DIES**

**But, Hikou's a vampire, remember? So he didn't really die…**

Hikou: I AM ALIVE AGAIN!!!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHA!

**Did I mention that Rokou, Nuriko's older bro, has a new occupation?**

Rokou: I AM ROKOU! THE VAMPIRE SLAYER!!!

Hikou: HICCUP! HISSSS!! You'll nevar get me slayer!

Rokou: Oh yes I will! **Loads bazooka with a stake and launches it at Hikou**

**Stake slams through Hikou and kills him**

Rokou: Mission accomplished! **Blows smoke from bazooka**

*sweatdrop* And once again, one more time, the day is saved!!!!! Thanks to the three useless weirdos and ROKOU-SAMA!!!!

**OH COOLEST OF THE COOL ROKOU-SAMA!!!! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!**


End file.
